Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
