Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
