That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm bleeding and have questions
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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