PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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