WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
