apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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