Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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