and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
