I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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