i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
