I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
