I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
