It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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