Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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