tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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