i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
