My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He better not be in your backpack
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
