i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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