I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
