I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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