You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
