I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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