Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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