ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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