you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
