I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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