How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
