At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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