I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
