This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she peed on how many people?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
