I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize