I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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