This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
