no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
