cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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