So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
