is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a beard to bite.
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