never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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