i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
