He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
