we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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