No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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