I think I died a long time ago.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
