I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
