yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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