i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
