I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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