please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I didn't notice because vodka
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
