Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
