I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
