Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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