just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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