My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
