I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
