Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
