She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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