Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
