It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
