So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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