Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He is an equal opportunity slut.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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