Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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