I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
