Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
