I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
