Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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