is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize