If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
