How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
