the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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