Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
