The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize