I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
