You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
