you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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