I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
